There’s no “7 Year Itch” here! On the 13th of August, Sam and I celebrated S E V E N years of marriage! It’s so crazy…I feel like just yesterday, I was walking down the aisle, anxiously and joyously waiting to hear, “Sam, you may now kiss your BRIDE!” How I LOVE being his bride!
Man, how time flies! (I guess that’s my theme as of late, ha). While, I won’t sit here and pretend that our marriage has been that of fairy tales, it has been a fun, crazy, exciting, scary, learning and growing kind of roller coaster ride. We laugh together, we cry together, we argue, bicker, get angry, get loud, frustrated, aggravated, etc., BUT at the end of the day, we resolve our issues and continue enjoying each other and pushing each other to be better and do better.
The last few years, Sam and I have gone on little weekend trips for our anniversary, and they have been so needed, especially after having kids. They have helped us regroup and refresh our friendship and relationship. This year, we had a “staycation” and it was seriously some of the most fun we’ve had together this year! On one of our dates, I asked him what he feels he’s learned in these last seven years and vice-versa. Here’s the biggest things I’ve learned:
Don’t let your guard down
So often now, we hear of pastors, worship leaders and in general, people in ministry, separating and getting divorced. Some cases are because of moral failures, others are because they just couldn’t get along or “had nothing more in common,” they could no longer work through their issues. That really, truly breaks my heart! I sit here and read story after story about these broken marriages and wonder: HOW? WHY? WHEN AND WHERE DID IT GO WRONG? WHAT COULD’VE BEEN DONE DIFFERENTLY?
I’m not judging their decision to end their marriage, rather, I pray for my own. I pray for God to always strengthen me as a person and as a wife. I pray that God would give me wisdom and show me how to love Sam in every season.
As individuals, we must always be willing to learn, grow and change. We cannot stay the same, because we then become complacent. Complacency can lead to lowering your guard! It’s dangerous to lower our guard as Christians AND in our marriage.
” Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch… What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’” Mark 13:33-34;36
Ya’ll the devil be creepin’! He’s waiting for our guard to be down, so he can attack! And if we’re asleep, we won’t even see it coming! He sneak attacks us like a coward and throws a party when we’re defeated. Then, he keeps throwing punches, until we either: give up OR fight back!
I think the brokenness happens when we no longer have the strength to fight back. We throw in the towel and can no longer see a way out because we’re blinded by the devil’s veil of deceit, defeat and discouragement.
But God intended marriage to be a mirror of Him and us. He’s the bridegroom, we are the bride and he wants our marriages to be successful, full of love, compassion, forgiveness, mercy, joy, grace… The same is to be said even if you aren’t married.
We CANNOT for one second think that we’ve got it covered, because the second we do, that’s when the devil strikes. In my marriage to Sam, I CANNOT sit here twiddling my thumbs, arms folded, bask in my own glory and think that I’m the most awesome wife in the world! (sometimes I am though) haha just kidding… But seriously, we must always be willing to LEARN AND GROW TOGETHER. Make time for each other and always talk about any issues we may have with one another. <–(this I’ve learned the hard way)
Talk to each other
This seems like a no brainer! However, early on in our marriage, my biggest issue was communication! Any time Sam would say something that would hurt my feelings, aggravate me or just didn’t sit right with me, I’d hold it in. Not immediately letting him know that something bothered me, allowed time for those things to simmer and get blown way out of proportion.
My thoughts would feed into the littlest things he’d do or say and eventually, on a random day when all was going well, I’d explode in anger at him. It’d leave him standing there bewildered and wondering if it was something he just said. It wouldn’t go over very well, and we’d be in hour long (or longer) arguments. That’s no fun!
For a while, in the beginning of our marriage, I kept on in that cycle and eventually it made him take the same approach. He started bottling up his anger towards me, because he thought if he told me any little thing, I couldn’t handle it. He would rather try to brush it off and ignore his feelings, than have to deal with my irrational responses.
This issue really was one of the bigger issues that if we still dealt with to this day, may have made for a different kind of blog post! Thankfully, we have learned how to communicate better! I’m not saying that I still don’t keep things in sometimes, but 95% of the time, I immediately let him know that something he did/said/didn’t say bothered me. We work through the issue and ask each other how we can be/get better with whatever it was.
Communication is a serious thing! If we’re not in constant communication, and not even just on what’s bothering us, but even on what’s going well with us, how can our marriage thrive? We are ALWAYS in the know about the happenings of our lives outside of each other. We trust each other, lean on each other and feed off of each other’s thoughts. Our spouses should be the person we trust the most and tell everything to! I DO NOT believe in keeping secrets from each other, nothing good comes from that, in my opinion. Otherwise that leaves room for entrusting things in others, leading to…well nothing good.
I could seriously go on and on about things I’ve learned in these short 7 years. We are still young and still have so many more years to learn and grow! Make time for each other, be each other’s best friend, enjoy every moment together in every season, push each other (lovingly of course) to be better and do better! Don’t be afraid to seek wise counsel if you are going through rough times. Don’t give up! Push through, because your marriage is intended to be something beautiful, even through the trials!