I really miss blogging, even though I’m new to this, and have only posted a few blogs, I miss it. I really find it relaxing to write what’s on my mind, how I’m feeling, and things I’m currently or have gone through in the past. I believe my second or third blog post was about how I wasn’t ready to let Ava sleep in her own room, and at four months, I’m still NOT READY! I didn’t think it would be so hard for me to do this! Before I had her, Sam and I had a game plan of how we were going to “sleep train” her and that we’d only have her sleeping in our room for the first 2 months… blah blah blah! I just love her so much and I love having her sleep next to me. It gives me a sense of peace. So, she’s four months now and she has started developing her personality a little bit (I love it). This past week, she’s been giving me trouble for bed time. When it’s approaching, I change her into her pjs, I feed her, and she’ll usually fall asleep while she’s still at the breast. I pull her away and bring her to my shoulder for a few minutes, and I would then bring her to our room and lay her down in her bassinet. That has worked up until recently. Now, when I go to place her in her bassinet, she immediately wakes up. It isn’t until the third try that she doesn’t wake up. Some might say that I should leave her in her bassinet and she’ll fall right back asleep, but I just feel the need to hold her and pat her back to sleep. But I feel like she may be getting a little to used to it, like she’s catching on that mommy will pick her up the moment she makes a peep. I don’t want her to get spoiled in this way, so tonight, I’m trying something new. She fell asleep after her feeding, and I did the usual routine. She woke up, I picked her up, repeated, she woke up again, I picked her up. So, I decided to try again with the nunie at bed time. She really doesn’t like the thing, but why not try to see if she’ll use it to soothe herself to sleep. I can tell you right now, that the experiment is failing as she is currently crying haha… We are first time parents, so I figure we should do trial and error with her sleep routine to find what works best. And I want what’s best for my little princess! So, we’ll see how this whole thing works out!
Once again, time just keeps ticking away! I haven’t forgotten about my blog, I’ve just been busy attending to my wifely and motherly duties. Also, I’ve been working on planning the next steps of my education. I graduated last May and received my bachelors degree in American Studies. That, however, was not my original major of choice. I actually started out as a Bio major, the. Nursing, then American studies. I really wanted to become a nurse, but that’s not the direction that God wanted me to take. After praying for a clear direction, I felt that teaching was the only other career I could see myself in. i just decided to take a shorter route by graduating with any degree that could help me eventually get to teaching. Anyway, long story short, I took the Praxis exam last week, and I’m waiting on my results. I took the first part of it, which is a basic skills test in English, reading, writing, and math. I need to pass the first part in order to move on to the second part, which will be on my focus area. So, that’s my plan, for now. If this teaching thing doesn’t work out for some reason, then I have no idea what I’m going to do. It would really sadden me, but at the same time, I know that once Sam and I start having more children, I’d like to be a stay at home mom. I’m really enjoying this time that I have with Ava, watching her grow and I’d like to have that with out other children. So, I’m really praying and inclining myself to listen to what God is calling me to do for my career.
My little princess is 3 months today! I cannot believe how much she’s grown in such a short time and how she’s reaching milestones. She just brings so much joy to our hearts. In honor of her 3 month birthday, I want to share a letter that I wrote to her when she was 1 month.
My dearest Ava,
Words cannot begin to express just how much I love you. Though we’ve only known each other for a month, I already love you enough for a hundred lifetimes! Every day is a new adventure with you as I learn what each sound is and when you start to get hungry, are about to cry, or you just want to be held. I’m not going to lie, it has been a struggle at times to be patient in learning you and learning how to be a better mom every day. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing a good job, but I’m quickly reminded that through struggles I grow and we grow together. It is a learning experience, that I would never trade! Not to mention how amazing daddy is at being such a great support and constantly reminding me that I am doing a great job. Also, how amazing God is and how faithful and gracious he has been. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for blessing us with you and bc you’re a healthy, beautiful and sweet baby girl. You have already made such an impact in our lives and I can’t wait to see you grow and impact others. My prayer for you is that you will be a leader and a light to those around you. I know that God already has great plans for you and I can’t wait to see you flourish into an amazing woman of God! I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be here for you, I will always love you, I will listen to you and encourage you. My arms will always be open for hugs, and my heart for sharing. But for now, as you continue to grow and develop your personality and reach your milestones, I will take each moment in because I don’t want to miss a beat! I love you to the moon and back my sweet Ava Berlyn!
With all my love,
I’ve been thinking that the time is coming for Ava to sleep in her crib. At her 2 month check-up, her doctor suggested that we should do it sooner rather than later because it may get harder the longer we wait. I just don’t think I’m ready! I love having her sleep next to us in her bassinet. I’m trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally… I think I may have separation anxiety… Anyway, I wrote this in my notes the other night when we made our first attempt at having Ava sleep in her room:
I totally failed. Tonight, I thought Ava would be sleeping in her crib, in her nursery that I spent so much time trying to make dainty and beautiful for her. Well, that didn’t happen. I checked on her one more time, and Sam and I were off to bed. The monitors were on, and on full volume so I wouldn’t be able to miss even the littlest peep from her. We prayed and Sam told me not to worry, that she was going to be just fine and that I needed to stop staring and listening intently to the monitor. Slowly, I began to close my eyes but I couldn’t let myself fall asleep. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep if Ava wasn’t in her bassinet next to our bed, so I caved. Sam was already snoring, so I woke him up and told him I couldn’t do it. I asked if it was ok to get her, and like the sweet and understanding hubby he is, he said yes. She was perfectly fine in her crib, sleeping like an angel, but it was me. I couldn’t do it, I wasn’t ready!! I kind of hesitated whether or not I should bring her back to our room, but I decided to get her anyway. Forget what the doctor, parenting books, and other parents say… Haha…Right? She’s my daughter…. I know it probably won’t get any easier, but she is our first. (Who am I kidding?! I’m a wimp!) This mommy business takes a toll on my emotions, and I’m already an over emotional human! So now it’s almost midnight and here I am sitting in my bed with Ava in my arms. I didn’t think I’d be one of those clingy moms, but I guess I am… Pray for me…
I’m at a loss when it comes to really knowing how to blog. Should I write as if I’m writing a paper for school? I have no idea, so I guess until I get a better hang at this, I’ll just start however seems right.
This past weekend went by too quick! I feel like time is just flying by! In two weeks Ava will already be THREE months old!! It seems like just yesterday I was lying on that hospital bed waiting till I was completely dilated in order to push and meet my little miracle. I’ve always heard that their first year goes by the quickest and it really does seem that way.
I’m excited, each day that I wake up to her beautiful smile is a blessing! She and Sam are my world! I decided to title my blog the “Mommy Diaries” because I already feel like so much has happened in this new journey of parenthood. I feel like Sam and I have grown so much in these last 2 1/2 months. As she continues to grow and reach milestones, I know that we will also grow with her and I’m excited to chronicle this journey.