When I found out I was pregnant, I was in shock. We weren’t planning on trying to get pregnant for another year. I wasn’t so sure how Sam would react, because he wanted to wait as long as possible, but I’ve always been a “mom” and have always been nurturing, so I wanted a baby as soon as we got married, ha! I began googling/pinterest-ing cute ideas to tell your husband you’re expecting. That day he just so happened to stop by the house to pick something up, and I freaked out and he looked at me as if I had done something wrong, which I probably had a guilty look on my face. He was also on the phone, so he couldn’t really talk to me, but I showed him the positive test and he thought I was joking, but he still hugged me and smiled. Shortly after, he called me asking if that was for real, I said yes, and he was so happy ( I didn’t doubt he would be)! That was not the ideal way I wanted it to go, but that’s how it happened! So many emotions went through our minds, but at the same time, nothing else mattered but this new little life that was growing inside of me. My heart was so overwhelmed with joy, and all I could do was praise God for this miracle. A few days after finding out, I had gone to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. I got so scared and I went to the ER. The whole time I was praying that I wasn’t having a miscarriage. The worst feeling was not knowing, because after being examined, they told me only time could tell if it indeed was a miscarriage, because it was still so early. That was a Friday, and I had to wait until Monday to go to my doctor and get more blood work done to determine whether my numbers increased or decreased. We were so uneasy, and we decided to let our family know what was going on and for them to keep us in prayer. It felt like the longest weekend! Sam, met me at the doctor and thankfully, the numbers had doubled!! To make a long story longer… just kidding… short, fast forward TEN, NOT NINE, (women, someone lied to us because pregnancy lasts 10 looong months just so you know) months later, on November 5, 2013 at 8:52 AM, I gave birth to my absolutely beautiful little girl, Ava! Oh the joy, the unexplainable joy that we felt when we laid eyes on you… Tears stream down my face as I type this, because you changed our world for the better. I knew the love of God in a completely different way. The way we see you is the way he sees us, but even more HIS love for us can’t compare! As I reflect on our life this past year, you have taught us so much, we’ve grown as adults, you’ve taught us patience, selflessness, to love better… and YOU have grown! You are so smart, sweet, and silly. Every day you make us laugh with something new that you do. Your laugh and smile is contagious, we could be sick or having a crummy day, and you put the biggest smile on our face! God has huge plans for your life, and daddy and I pray for wisdom to lead you and guide you in HIS path. That you grow to be a strong woman, not swayed by the things of this world and fulfill God’s will and purpose for your life! We are excited to keep watching you grow and pray to be the best parents we can be! We love you princess!! HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!!
Good morning! It’s been a while since I’ve been able to post, and that seems to be the trend of my blog, haha. Whenever I get the chance to read other blogs, I feel an itch and the urge to head on over here, and type away. However, I’m quickly reminded that my time is cut short as I hear my daughter crying for my attention. I absolutely love, love, love every second of being a mother. Every time I look at my baby, I’m reminded of how blessed I am and of God’s incredibly immense love and goodness! Children truly are a heritage from The Lord (Psalm 127:3). I don’t mind being wanted and needed by her,it’s the best feeling, and when it comes to being a wife and mother, everything else is secondary. I find that the only times I could write are when she’s napping, or if I happen to wake up before she does, like today. Even after my husband comes home, my focus and attention shifts to him as well. I try to make it a point to be attentive to my family and put away my phone, iPad, MacBook etc. Spending time with my family is the most important thing, I don’t want to miss a moment! While I do have “me” time, I’m usually cleaning, planning things, or catching up on my quiet time. It’s crazy how much more busy life gets once you become a mother. I do hope to keep blogging more often, because I find it relaxing and I like being able to share my thoughts, not to mention that there’s so much to catch up on, like I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight!! Woohoo! But that’s for another post! As always, thanks for reading!!
I will be the first to admit that I don’t read The word everyday. Sometimes, I forget to pray and thank God for life today, for health, favor, mercy, his unending love. There’s no excuse for my lack of acknowledging Gods goodness over my husband, daughter, and over my life. No matter what circumstances we go through in life, He has never failed to come through for us. I saw a video this morning on Facebook about how consumed we have become with technology, that we forget to “look up” and notice what’s going on around us. Just last night I had actually told my husband that from now on, when we are home together, I don’t want our phones to exist. I actually didn’t let my phone exist throughout my day either. I don’t want to miss a moment with my daughter. I don’t want to get so consumed that I miss out in my quiet time with Jesus. He gave his life for me, and I can’t give him a portion of my day… I’m guilty. There’s no doubt in my mind that I love Jesus with all that I am, I don’t know how I could go a day without thanking him and loving on him the same way I show my husband and daughter love, he deserves my affections as well! There’s so much of Gods heart that I have yet to discover and it all starts with putting down my phone, turning off the TV, opening my heart to receive what God wants to show me, really listening and letting his word seep in, and putting it to practice daily. I don’t want to have regret in my heart for not fulfilling Gods purpose in my life; or for losing out in spending time with my loved ones. I want to rekindle that fire that the 17 year old me had. I now have a daughter to lead in the right direction and pour into. My prayer is that she and our future children will love Jesus, serve him, stand firm in knowing their faith, be leaders and examples to those around… And it starts with Sam and I leading by example. Our lives should reflect Christ, and sometimes my life doesn’t. As Christians we will never peak and be so “holy” or “righteous” that we don’t need more of God. I must remind myself of this constantly. I will always be in need of Jesus!
Losing weight is no easy task! Today, I am four pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. I have been for two weeks now. We started going to the gym on Monday nights, and the cardio boxing class I go to is tough! But I enjoy it. I have realized, however, that eating right, or at least trying to, isn’t going to help me shed these last few pounds. Neither will going to the gym once a week! On a daily basis I try to stay active and move around, do some squats with Ava, but I’ve hit that stand still. I don’t like it. In fact, I despise being stuck because I still want to lose 10 more pounds after reaching my pre pregnancy weight. Like I said before, I choose results, and that just means that I have to push and work harder to get the results I want. My birthday is in mid-May and that is my deadline to lose these fourteen pounds! I can do it!!
I really miss blogging, even though I’m new to this, and have only posted a few blogs, I miss it. I really find it relaxing to write what’s on my mind, how I’m feeling, and things I’m currently or have gone through in the past. I believe my second or third blog post was about how I wasn’t ready to let Ava sleep in her own room, and at four months, I’m still NOT READY! I didn’t think it would be so hard for me to do this! Before I had her, Sam and I had a game plan of how we were going to “sleep train” her and that we’d only have her sleeping in our room for the first 2 months… blah blah blah! I just love her so much and I love having her sleep next to me. It gives me a sense of peace. So, she’s four months now and she has started developing her personality a little bit (I love it). This past week, she’s been giving me trouble for bed time. When it’s approaching, I change her into her pjs, I feed her, and she’ll usually fall asleep while she’s still at the breast. I pull her away and bring her to my shoulder for a few minutes, and I would then bring her to our room and lay her down in her bassinet. That has worked up until recently. Now, when I go to place her in her bassinet, she immediately wakes up. It isn’t until the third try that she doesn’t wake up. Some might say that I should leave her in her bassinet and she’ll fall right back asleep, but I just feel the need to hold her and pat her back to sleep. But I feel like she may be getting a little to used to it, like she’s catching on that mommy will pick her up the moment she makes a peep. I don’t want her to get spoiled in this way, so tonight, I’m trying something new. She fell asleep after her feeding, and I did the usual routine. She woke up, I picked her up, repeated, she woke up again, I picked her up. So, I decided to try again with the nunie at bed time. She really doesn’t like the thing, but why not try to see if she’ll use it to soothe herself to sleep. I can tell you right now, that the experiment is failing as she is currently crying haha… We are first time parents, so I figure we should do trial and error with her sleep routine to find what works best. And I want what’s best for my little princess! So, we’ll see how this whole thing works out!
My little princess is 3 months today! I cannot believe how much she’s grown in such a short time and how she’s reaching milestones. She just brings so much joy to our hearts. In honor of her 3 month birthday, I want to share a letter that I wrote to her when she was 1 month.
My dearest Ava,
Words cannot begin to express just how much I love you. Though we’ve only known each other for a month, I already love you enough for a hundred lifetimes! Every day is a new adventure with you as I learn what each sound is and when you start to get hungry, are about to cry, or you just want to be held. I’m not going to lie, it has been a struggle at times to be patient in learning you and learning how to be a better mom every day. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing a good job, but I’m quickly reminded that through struggles I grow and we grow together. It is a learning experience, that I would never trade! Not to mention how amazing daddy is at being such a great support and constantly reminding me that I am doing a great job. Also, how amazing God is and how faithful and gracious he has been. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for blessing us with you and bc you’re a healthy, beautiful and sweet baby girl. You have already made such an impact in our lives and I can’t wait to see you grow and impact others. My prayer for you is that you will be a leader and a light to those around you. I know that God already has great plans for you and I can’t wait to see you flourish into an amazing woman of God! I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be here for you, I will always love you, I will listen to you and encourage you. My arms will always be open for hugs, and my heart for sharing. But for now, as you continue to grow and develop your personality and reach your milestones, I will take each moment in because I don’t want to miss a beat! I love you to the moon and back my sweet Ava Berlyn!
With all my love,
I’ve been thinking that the time is coming for Ava to sleep in her crib. At her 2 month check-up, her doctor suggested that we should do it sooner rather than later because it may get harder the longer we wait. I just don’t think I’m ready! I love having her sleep next to us in her bassinet. I’m trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally… I think I may have separation anxiety… Anyway, I wrote this in my notes the other night when we made our first attempt at having Ava sleep in her room:
I totally failed. Tonight, I thought Ava would be sleeping in her crib, in her nursery that I spent so much time trying to make dainty and beautiful for her. Well, that didn’t happen. I checked on her one more time, and Sam and I were off to bed. The monitors were on, and on full volume so I wouldn’t be able to miss even the littlest peep from her. We prayed and Sam told me not to worry, that she was going to be just fine and that I needed to stop staring and listening intently to the monitor. Slowly, I began to close my eyes but I couldn’t let myself fall asleep. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep if Ava wasn’t in her bassinet next to our bed, so I caved. Sam was already snoring, so I woke him up and told him I couldn’t do it. I asked if it was ok to get her, and like the sweet and understanding hubby he is, he said yes. She was perfectly fine in her crib, sleeping like an angel, but it was me. I couldn’t do it, I wasn’t ready!! I kind of hesitated whether or not I should bring her back to our room, but I decided to get her anyway. Forget what the doctor, parenting books, and other parents say… Haha…Right? She’s my daughter…. I know it probably won’t get any easier, but she is our first. (Who am I kidding?! I’m a wimp!) This mommy business takes a toll on my emotions, and I’m already an over emotional human! So now it’s almost midnight and here I am sitting in my bed with Ava in my arms. I didn’t think I’d be one of those clingy moms, but I guess I am… Pray for me…
I’m at a loss when it comes to really knowing how to blog. Should I write as if I’m writing a paper for school? I have no idea, so I guess until I get a better hang at this, I’ll just start however seems right.
This past weekend went by too quick! I feel like time is just flying by! In two weeks Ava will already be THREE months old!! It seems like just yesterday I was lying on that hospital bed waiting till I was completely dilated in order to push and meet my little miracle. I’ve always heard that their first year goes by the quickest and it really does seem that way.
I’m excited, each day that I wake up to her beautiful smile is a blessing! She and Sam are my world! I decided to title my blog the “Mommy Diaries” because I already feel like so much has happened in this new journey of parenthood. I feel like Sam and I have grown so much in these last 2 1/2 months. As she continues to grow and reach milestones, I know that we will also grow with her and I’m excited to chronicle this journey.